A sisterhood that was (is?)

I finally watched the Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants 2 yesterday, after months of trying to hunt it down on the net, and it was SO GREAT! It's the kind of movie that EVERYONE should watch, even guys, because I think each of us can find a part of ourselves and our friends and families somewhere in the leading characters of Bridget, Tibby, Lena and Carmen.
I totally identified with the story right from when I watched the first movie because I too used to be (still am?) one of a group of four best friends at school and even though we haven't known each other since we were babies, what we had (have?) was (is?) really special. I think I'm most like Carmen, because I'm the most introspective of my three friends. Like Carmen, I keep struggling to figure out where I fit, what I feel, and how I can somehow keep our friendship strong forever. I think I understand the fragility and the value of our friendship a little more than the three of them, and that's why I always feel so scared that we'll grow too far apart, if that hasn't already happened. In fact, i feel that way about any friendship. Some people label it insecurity, others call it useless fretting, but I feel that once I get close to someone they become a part of my world, and just the mere thought of losing them completely tears me apart.
After Carmen, I'm most like Lena: introverted and quiet, unable to open up to people at times. Like her, i sometimes feel scared of being alone forever.
Then of course, there's the sarcastic, cynical side of me, very much like Tibby. And, just like her, I've learned to keep that side in check because it can border on being outright mean.
And then there's Bridget, who's my favorite character. Maybe because I wish i was more like her. She's impulsive and reckless, outgoing and adventurous. Although there are times when the crazy, impulsive person inside me does come out and I just do what i want to do without thinking too much of what will be the outcome, i usually end up seriously regretting whatever i do. And then my mood spirals downwards and i feel stupid and empty, much like Bridget feels in the first movie after returning from the soccer camp.
One of my three best friends is a lot like Bridget...and she's the one who made me open up quite a bit after we became friends in 8th Grade. She's beautiful and outgoing, a little boy-crazy, and very impulsive, and i love her to bits. We don't talk too often nowadays, because I'm in India and she's in Malaysia studying to become a doctor, but whenever we do talk, it's like we pick up right where we left off, as if the distance doesn't make the slightest difference. The only thing is, sometimes i feel like she, as well as the other 2, are moving on too fast, leaving me behind. Every time i talk to them, i can't help thinking how they all have a LIFE, where as I...well, where as I feel quite the same as i did back in school: dependent on my parents, trapped, unable to do what i really want to do how i really want to do it, confused about who I am and where I'm headed. Sometimes i feel a tad bit jealous of them, as strange as that sounds. But i can't help it. I haven't seen any of them in over 3 years but they've all seen each other at least once or twice, so i can't help but feel a little left out. It's because they all go back home to Kenya once in a while where their families are, but I don't have any family there anymore and I definitely don't have the money to visit on my own. We often talk about meeting up some day, and I for one look forward to that day all the time. I have so much to share with them, so much to talk about that can't be talked about over the internet. I want to see how we've all changed and grown, and how we're still similar. I want to know whether the bonds we once shared still exist or are they lost forever. I want to know whether our own special sisterhood is now a mere sisterhood that was, or is it still there, just waiting to be fortified and bloom again when and if all four of us get together again.

Philosophy or Wisdom? Whatever it is, I like!

I finished reading Brida by Paulo Coelho just now, and the ending was so great that I decided to copy down some quotes from it here since I'll have to return the book to my classmate who lent it to me a few days back.
Coelho is described as a 'mystical writer' and you may get tempted to dismiss some of his stuff as farfetched philosophy, but i'm a great fan, and think it's very profound writing, holding a lot of meaning.
The entire book is really thought-provoking, but these few lines near the end truly touched me like no other written lines ever have:

‘No one can possess a sunset. Just like no one can possess an afternoon of rain beating against the window or the serenity of a sleeping child or the magical moment when the waves break on the rocks. No one can possess the beautiful things of this earth, but we can know them and love them. It is through such moments that God reveals himself to mankind.’

‘It seems to me like I’ve always known you because I can’t remember the world before that.’

‘People give flowers as presents because flowers contain the true meaning of love. Anyone who tries to possess a flower will have to watch its beauty fading. But if you simply look at a flower in a field, you will keep it forever, because the flower is part of the evening and the sunset and the smell of damp earth and the clouds on the horizon.’

‘You will never be mine and that is why I will never lose you. You were my hope during my days of loneliness, my anxiety during moments of doubt, my certainty during moments of faith’

‘I will always remember you and you will always remember me just as we will remember the evening, the rain on the windows and all the things we’ll always have because we cannot possess them.’

Don't you think it's simply beautiful, the way he's conveyed the true meaning of love? I definitely do. In short: 'love is liberty.' So go on, set the one you love free, holding on tight isn't love, it's posession.

My Bucket List!

No, this is not a post about the movie 'The Bucket List'. In fact, i'll start with what I thought of a totally unrelated movie - Ghajini - which I finally watched yesterday and lvoed to bits. It's funny, when I first heard a couple of months back that SRK's and Aamir's movies were releasing around the same time, I was so sure that I'd be watching Rab ne Bana di jodi and that it would definitely do much better than Ghajini. Because, hello? YRF films was back with SRK and a gorgeous new actress! it had to be good! But alas...as soon as Rab ne bana di's reviews started making the rounds, everyone from the critics to friends to die-hard Shahrukh fans were expressing their disappointment and disgust at how pathetic and shallow a story it really is. But a little part of me still wanted to see it...coz Shahrukh is Shahrukh right? He makes everything seem so much better. But then, Ghajini hit the theatres and rave reviews were everywhere. I've never been much of an Aamir fan, probably because I'm biased towards Shahrukh a little bit, (Ok, i admit, a GREAT bit) so I decided that people were just overhyping the movie and didn't want to believe anything without seeing it for myself. Seeing as i had the money and time for only one movie, for the first time in my life, I picked Aamir over Shahrukh and went to see the remake of the hit Tamil movie just to see what the big fuss was for. And I came out of the theatre creating a big fuss myself. Oh my God, it was SO GOOD. So intense, so rivetting, so edge-of-your-seat dramatic! I'm definitely an Aamir fan now! Ok, so the action is quite stretched and unrealistic, but I don't care because movies wouldn't be half as fun if they always stuck to being completely REALISTIC. Plus, all the violence depicted is rooted in LOVE, which, for me, makes it completely acceptable. Another thing I liked is how the movie has portrayed the importance of destiny - kismat. You can't escape your destiny no matter what. The worst of things can happen to the nicest of people if it's written in their destiny and vice versa.
Keeping that in mind, I read an article in today's Times Life supplement about Bucket Lists - a lists of things to do before you die. Since I firmly believe in destiny and of course, the uncertainty of life, I thought i'd try make my own little bucket list. Might add on things later on if they come to mind. So here it is:

1. Finish writing my novel and hopefully get it published.
2. Follow it up with its second part which I've got planned mentally
3. Get fluent in speaking French (and maybe Spanish too)
4. Visit New York, London, Paris and Milan
5. Travel in Business Class (even if it's just once)
6. Go Bungee Jumping
7. Get trained in singing
8. Buy myself at least one pair of Jimmy Choo Shoes and a designer dress
9. Volunteer at a hospital or an orphanage or any such kind of institute and make a difference in the lives of those who need someone to care
10. Buy myself a little place of my own, a super-cool laptop, a digital camera and a flashy, expensive cell phone
11. Have a great big reunion with all my school mates and old friends back in Kenya, which is where I grew up.
12. Write and direct a film

I know some of the above are VERY materialistic, but I don't think it matters. It's ok to be materialistic if you're spiritual at the same time and know where to draw a line. I think it's part of human nature.
So, have you made YOUR bucket-list? 'Coz you never know when it may be too late.

The Closet Poet....or not?

I've always loved poetry, but i never used to trust myself to write any without sounding mortifyingly cheesy. But then, a couple of days back, i showed a friend the first verse of a poem i'd written and he wanted me to finish it and i did and then he totally loved it coz I managed to describe exactly how HE was feeling about his someone special. So that got me really motivated and I opened up all the old files saved on my computer and decided to start completing all the poems i'd started ages ago. I'm still not totally sure about the sounding cheesy part, but i don't really care that much now. I actually think it's kinda cool...though I am a bit obsessed with RHYMING everything...which takes up a lot of time while writing. Anyways, here's one i finished yesterday. Please do leave a comment if you read it. And you're allowed to be cruelly honest...if you think it sucks, don't hesitate to tell me! I'm in need of constructive criticism!

Possessed

Like the sand that absorbs the scorching heat of the sun,
I soak up the pain you give me, never uttering a word.
Like the waves that crash against the shore one by one,
Your cruel words resound in my mind, like a song often heard.

Like a tree that loses all its leaves to bitter winter storms,
I feel bare and vulnerable, to your manipulating ways.
Like unpredictable weather that keeps changing form,
You confuse me so much, as if trapping me in a maze.

Like disturbed spirits that lurk around forever,
Your thoughts are ghosts that tirelessly haunt.
Like a wicked wizard, demeaning and clever
You use me as you like, you taunt, you daunt.

Like a phoenix that rises again from its burned remains,
I try so hard to leave you and make a fresh new start.
But it’s like you’ve taken over me, driven me insane,
No matter what I do, you stay ensconced in my heart.

A New Beginning

And it’s the start of a brand new year! Welcome 2009! Before the year sets in too much, I thought I’d take a few minutes to reflect upon my life in 2008. Here goes:

January
I remember on the 7th I’d had a hypoglycemic attack (if that’s what you call it). In simple words, my blood sugar level dipped way low and I passed out early in the morning while making myself a cup of tea. I hurt my head pretty badly coz I fell to the floor and I remember it used to hurt for several weeks every time I did my hair. I also get lots of lectures about healthy eating and the pointlessness of diets (though I talked myself hoarse explaining how I wasn’t dieting, but who listens?) Anyways, I was lucky in many ways, because:
a) I could have fallen forwards instead of backwards and ended up burning myself badly because there was a saucepan full of boiling water on the gas cooker.
b) I could have got a serious head injury
c) Something could have been majorly wrong in my brain, but it isn’t, thank God. It was just because of too little sugar. I was actually forced to tuck into chocolates and mithai and all kinds of sweet yummy stuff! Who would complain? :)

February
Second year prelim exams, that’s all I can recollect for this month. Oh yeah, it was a close friend’s birthday, I remember calling him on the morning of the 17th and, quite strangely, I remember every little thing we talked about. I have a good memory for such things!

March
Second year final exams! My centre was this really pathetic college and I had this really strange guy sitting beside me and my friends (who were in the same room as me) and I went crazy making fun of him. I know, I can be a bit mean at times, but he was like really weird. He once wore a transparent shirt, like the one Shahrukh wears in k3g in the suraj hua madham song, but the only difference was that he definitely didn’t have the body or the attitude to pull it off with style.

April
The start of summer break. I didn’t go anywhere, just chilled at home, spent a lot of time online. Can’t remember anything in particular, except the start of the Indian Premier League. I’ve never watched cricket with more interest!

May
Results came out, and I got 69% and I was majorly pissed off, because the stupid Gujarat University people definitely didn’t mark properly. I did well in the papers that didn’t go so well and I did really badly in the papers I was SURE I would ace. But, whatever, it motivated me to work harder in final year.

June
Third year of college began on the 16th. I remember the first day when we were handed out the most horrific timetable with lots of lectures and hardly any free time! Got used to it in a couple of weeks though.
Oh yeah, the team I thought would WIN the IPL ended up losing like REALLY badly. You guessed it, I was supporting SRK”s Kolkata Knight Riders. Lol.

July
On the 26th, it was my little cousin’s birthday and I was at her party when the shocking news about the bomb blasts reached us. It was a terrible, despicable thing to happen, and the months that followed were even worse with terror attacks in other places. I pray that 2009 brings peace to the world.

August
Hmm…August meant midterm exams! And then I remember I’d made a lot of plans with friends for midterm break but somehow, everyone fell sick and the plans went down the drain with us left coughing and sneezing and resting at home the whole four days. Or was it five days?

September
Ahh, now that wasn’t so long ago. I went to McDonald’s for lunch with friends because three friends got together and treated the rest of us since their birthdays had just passed. Mmm…McDonald’s…YUM! :D

October
First term exams….Sorry, I’m a bit of a studious kinda person so I tend to remember stuff in terms of exams. Then it was Diwali and a blissful three week vacation, except for that terrible fight with a friend which kind of shook up my whole world!

November
Well, it wasn’t exactly a fight…more of a misunderstanding or something, but it was depressing nonetheless and I cried a lot, because I can’t stand falling out with ANYONE, most definitely not good friends. But then it passed and everything got better and my birthday came along and it was so special and made me smile lots! :)But then there was the horrifying terror attack on Mumbai. R.I.P all those who lost their lives.

December
Hmm, don’t need to exercise my mind at all for this one. The month started on a sad note with my cousin’s grandpa passing away, but I now believe that life and death are up to God and so there should be no prolonged grieving, especially if the deceased was ill or aged.
Just before Christmas, it was time for Culfest, details of which I posted earlier. And then, Christmas break, during which I was supposed to get some studying done but I decided to take a chill pill and laze around. And my new year’s eve was spent writing the first part of this post and chatting to the sole friend who was online and happens to be the same one I had the stupid misunderstanding with in November. Anyways, we wished each other a happy new year online at midnight and then went off to sleep, hoping that on 31st December 2009 we’ll have more exciting plans than hanging out on msn.

Phew, 2008 in a nutshell. I’ve summarized the entire year so much that it seems like hardly anything interesting happened, but that isn’t true. I know I learned a lot of new things, and I don’t mean that in the academic sense, but in the life lessons sense. I learned to forgive and to forget and to cherish every moment lest life come to an end much before you expect. I learned that it’s natural to grow apart from people who were once an important part of your life, because change is unavoidable, and that it’s best to accept their distance and give their place to new people who can grow to become just as special. I learned that love can’t be explained and that it doesn’t change even if the people you love hurt you every now and then. I learned that family is in fact very important even if you don’t always get along with them. Circumstance brought me closer to people who’d always been around but whom I’d never paid attention too. I formed new friendships and tried my best to maintain old ones. I realised that sometimes trying to hold on to people does more harm than good and can even break the relationship forever, so it’s better to let go, no matter how hard it is.
I began to accept the eventuality and finality of death and grew emotionally stronger. Now, every time I think of people I’ve lost, I don’t feel sad that they’re gone, but instead believe that they’re watching over me from somewhere and that, in spirit, they’re always by my side.
2008 made me make up my mind about what to do with my life. I finally know for sure that I want to be a writer. I want to weave magic with words and cast a spell on people all over just like so many authors have done on me ever since I began reading. I gained more insight about myself, realized that I have a right to be whoever I want to be, live my life the way I see fit, but that I have to be careful not to hurt my parents, because no matter what happens, I think they’re the most important people in my life. I learned not to judge myself on standards set by others, to be confident about myself and what I like and don’t like. I grew more opinionated, developed more individuality and more surety.

All in all, even though nothing life-altering happened in the past year, it’s been a year of good times and bad, trials and achievements, dreams and aspirations, hopes and prayers. It’s left me with memories to cherish and lots to reflect upon. I’ve grown as a person and also in the literal sense in terms of years. I’m 21 now, an adult in every way, except that I still live with my parents and don’t earn my own money. I still have to live according to the guidelines they set, but I’m mature enough to accept it and patiently wait till the day I can fully handle the reigns of my own life. That day doesn’t seem far now. I graduate from college in June, provided that all goes well and I pass the exams. That’s one thing that 2009 stands for – the end of the much-valued ‘college days’ – the so called ‘best days of one’s life’. I don’t know what life holds for me after that (who knows, right?) and that’s a slightly scary prospect, but exciting too. Here’s to a new year, a new beginning. May 2009 bring peace to the world. May it fill our lives with happiness and success and move us closer to fulfilling our dreams and doing all that we want to do. Happy New Year and God Bless.