One day I'll be all fine; upbeat and cheery and just plain happy to be, and the next, everything will seem dull, pointless, uninspiring. It becomes a great effort to smile and all I want to do is curl up into a ball and die because suddenly, life seems worthless, monotonous, a waste.
I think of times gone by and miss them direly, desperately. I want them back, those people I've left behind; I need it back, that carefree innocence of teenage.
I am unsure of where I am headed, professionally and personally. Will my dreams ever materialize? Will I find someone who loves me the way I want to be loved?
Life is uncertain. Will i lose people I love before I am ready to handle it? What would it feel like to die? Am I going crazy? Or are all writers insane?
Me wants out. I want to go to the beach and feel the sand under my feet. I want to walk on the squelchy shore and let the sea breeze whip through my hair. I want to curl up with a book and watch the sun set. I want to fall asleep amid the sounds of nature. I want no cell phone and no laptop; no pressures and no deadlines; just some music and someone nice to talk to. I want to be alone with my thoughts yet share them too. I want to be hugged and kissed and whispered sweet nothings to. I want to just sit and watch the world go by. I want to laugh for no reason and feel the sound ring through the air. I want to sing and dance and feel intoxicated by life itself.
I want no emptiness.
Posts
17 scribbles scribbled back to me:
i always read ur blog...but somehow this touched me the most...
ive never known you to fall into despair, and i feel quite scared after reading this because ur one of the toughest people i know.
...never let anyone get you down this much, God has a plan for everyone...did u think when we were back in school that u would one day write so well? All things happen in their own time...
Trust in God..hel never let u down..
amrita
aww, thx amrita... i know u read but this is the first time you've vommented.. thanks :) and i know you're right...
Gosh that's so so me ...I fret at my future because I am in a position where I seriously have no clue where it goes and will I ever succeed.....
The comment above made me :)
U know when I was in school....novels and me were like .....dadang :P .....and then my frnd recommended a book which became my love and rest is history.....if my school teachers see I can write they will be shocked :P
So u never know....just keep it going :)
At least you know what you wanna do! The feeling sucks. No matter how much we rationalize, somewhere things go hayware. Take a break, or at least take some time out for yourself. The answers will occur to you eventually. Go easy on youself :)
Today I woke up in the evening with restless in my feet. I wished to run. I end up frustrated many a times, but then whats the use? It seldom helps. I see monsoons giving mixed feelings to many including me.
Oh and what I did today? I ran up to the shop to grab a coffee... am feeling whacky right now. I am loving it. :)
Cheer Up Mehak
Blasphemous Aesthete
y give it a thought. take a break njoy n these feelings will be gone :)
n ofcourse u r gonno make it to reach ur dreams for sure jst be patient and njoy these silly doubtful moments that u will smile upon later n..... ur special someone will be really really special :) :D
[URL=http://s869.photobucket.com/albums/ab260/Jishin_XvII/?action=view¤t=homer-simpson-beer1.jpg][IMG]http://i869.photobucket.com/albums/ab260/Jishin_XvII/th_homer-simpson-beer1.jpg[/IMG][/URL]
Cheers!
Every cloud has a silver lining.
Did u roll your eyes coz it's a cliche??? well that's what I also used to think...but after weathering some terrible storms I believe in it.
Keep working hard...there's no place for slackers.
Take care.
Hmmm...the photobucket thing didn't work..lemme try again...
[IMG]http://i869.photobucket.com/albums/ab260/Jishin_XvII/homer-simpson-beer1.jpg[/IMG]
ahhhhh damn...nvm...just visit this link and you'll know which pic I meant to put alongside my comment.
http://i869.photobucket.com/albums/ab260/Jishin_XvII/homer-simpson-beer1.jpg
In this fast track world, a feeling of emptiness creeps all the more frequently.
Being a lone star is never so easy!!
These thoughts crept into my mind too once...I was weary and sick of them. I wanted to end them too. We all have phases baby. There are no words of hope from others that can take you out of that holocaust. All that you have to do up and ask your self, why is my mind doing this? Is there a message (Sometimes there is)? If you get the answer it is the direction. If you don't not to panic, you'll have those answers and way forward as well...every night is inexistent without onward morning!!
Take care!! :)
Do not let this feeling of emptiness overwhelm you with it's multitude of abhorrent and riddling motions crafted dexterously to make you move in circles. The questions you've asked are rhetorical and ambiguous. Let them be. And about wishes, maybe some of them can and will be true, if not all of them. :)
@ S.G. thanks...:)
@ Ms. R, yes you have a point. thanks. :)
@ Blasphemous Aesthete, thnk u! I'm much more cheerful today. :)
@ Megha, thanks, i will try not think about it too much!
@ Maho's Melody, lol. i saw the pic! thanks, that's comforting. :P
@ Vyankatesh, welcome to my blog and thanks for the comment :)
@ palak, thank you. yes i guess its just a phase.
@ Sayak, thanks! i guess some wishes do eventually come true. :)
little mehak, it is time for Illusions. Richard Bach. ASAP. if you have read it already, read again.
emptiness indicates that something is void , but it also indicates that it has immense potential to add new things and fill up our life with more flavours .
Tomorrow you'll get someone who's just the right one for you. Tomorrow you'll be some bigshot somewhere. Tomorrow people would be more acknowledging, appreciating and accomodating.
But will the woes end? No. There'll be something else eating you up from inside.
It's all about how much do you value the glass quarter full. Sometimes it just gets the better of me as well and it's all gloomy. I put it down in words as well. And it definitely is easier to write words dipped in pain. But somewhere down below I feel it's not that difficult to be happy. The more we ponder and write about the shit in our lives, the more occupied we are with them. It just gets worse.
It's just some idiot talking who can never share your frame of reference. But I hope the essence permeates.
Loneliness is not bad ma'am. Sometimes It is just like the darkness before dawn.
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