Pondering on Purpose - Part 1

This is the first of a series of three posts I'll be writing, all inspired from the movie Mona Lisa Smile which I FINALLY got around to watching yesterday. In a nutshell, the story revolves around Katherine Ann Watson (Julia Roberts) who sets out to 'make a difference' through teaching Art History at the conservative Wellesley College for women in Massachusetts.The movie explores how this driven professor encourages her students to look beyond age old stereotypes and aim at doing more in life rather than just marrying a successful man and building a home and family.

That was the nineteen fifties. American society has come a long way since then and I suppose it's totally unimaginable for a young American woman today to be entirely marriage-oriented with not a care for financial independence, but a lot of the characters in the film and their ideas reminded me of what I witness everyday in Indian society till date: a man/marriage obsession in both young women and their mothers alike.

One of my favorite contemporary Indian writers once wrote how marriage is somewhat a 'national pastime' in the subcontinent, and I ask you, isn't it true? The moment you hit your twenties, whether you're male or female, doesn't it become everybody's biggest concern who on earth you will marry and 'settle down' with? (Jeez, I hate that term 'settle down'. Whatever the hell is it supposed to mean?)

Even in the world at large, isn't everyone just out to attract a mate and have sex and marry and have children? (Err, not necessarily in that order.) Is that our main purpose as human beings? To land a companion to (supposedly) love and cherish till our days on earth are over? And if things don't work out with them, move on and find someone else? For being alone is tragic and unbearable? Is that all that God intended us for, to mate and procreate? Are we any better than other animals then? Or is there no God at all, and the Darwinian theory of surivval of the fittest holds true? Which can explain why less convenitonally attractive people find it more fificult to get hooked up. Is that why we - consciously and unconsciously - are forever striving to look our best to attract the opposite sex? My questions are not new; I know, but they are mind-boggling and complex.

From the female point of view, why do most of us maniacally obsess about our weight? Because no man will desire you if you're fat? You can say you're working out to be fit but you can't deny that at the back of your mind, a sexier body is a definite motivating factor.

Why do we wear clothes that can flaunt our bodies, make us appear more attractive? Why do we apply make-up? Beautify our eyes with lashings of mascara and liner? Gloss up our mouths? Get implants? Buy designer perfumes? Yes, all of these do make us feel better about ourselves as individuals but the primary aim is to impress the opposite sex, isn't it? Whether it be a boyfriend or husband or crush or any random guy who will give us attention and make us feel wanted, hence boosting our self-esteem and confidence.

Why does my mother force me to learn how to cook? Why do I have to be soft-spoken and 'lady-like'? So that men can see me as good 'marriage material'. It's pathetic.

I can hear you thinking 'But that's just the way it is. Women must look good to attract men. It's been that way through the ages', and I agree - yes it is true but why does it have to be this way? Why does everything ultimately come down to sex? Everyone knows that men love sex, that they're biologically programmed to think about it umpteen times throughout the day. Why? Even we women do think about it, of course we do, but why? Is SEX all we are truly meant to indulge in on this earth? Is everything else - our work, our friendships, our recreational pursuits, just meaningless extras that can never serve as a purpose to live? I don't know whether what I'm saying is making any sense but I do know that I'm deeply disturbed by this idea, this idea of how my ultimate purpose as a woman is to find a man and build a family with him. Yes, marriage and family is good, I have nothing against that, but is it the end all and be all of human existence? You would answer, 'No, of course not. There are plenty of great people who never married and left their mark on this world' but I would counter that by saying still, even if they didn't marry, they MUST have tried to impress the opposite sex, get involved in some way. Why is that such a natural tendency of ours? Why does even a first grader want to look cute in front of boys in her class? Why is the opposite sex such an integral influence upon what we do and how we do it? I know I am questioning the very ways of this world, of nature, but I am upset by it all because I believe it's unfair, somewhat shallow too. I know life is bound to be unfair and we just have to deal with it but it sure does disturb me and so I vent it out through writing.

What's your take on it? What is the ULTIMATE purpose of human existence? And what do you feel about it? It's a philosophical question, yes, but an important one too, I think.

P.S. I know I think too much. :P

It's a side effect of being a writer.

I THINK.