September 2010 | Sempiternal Scribbles

Pondering on Purpose - Part 3

In the final part of the series of posts I've been writing inspired from Mona Lisa Smile, I talk about a new goal/dream that's taken form in my mind. All these years, the big question of WHAT in the world I want to do with my life has had changing answers, vague answers, transient answers, but I think I finally have something solid: I want to teach. Teach at a university. Teach English Literature or Creative Writing or anything related. HOW that will come about, I don't know. I just know that I will make it happen.

I haven't studied Literature ever; I don't know the first thing about teaching, but I know I can do it. I can't teach younger kids because basically I can't handle kids but teaching undergraduates would be totally amazing. What's more is that while teaching, I could simultaneously pursue my passion for studying. If I could have my way, I'd never stop studying. I would love to learn everything, from science to music, from philosophy to history, geography to architecture. Of course, that's totally impractical but that's why I read so much. Because I just want to know as much as possible about as many things as possible. I love libraries, I could live in one, literally. And hence, I love universities. (Proper ones, not like the one I passed out from. lol)

I love the whole intellectually and creatively charged up atmosphere you find on campuses. I love the young feel of it: the passion, the enthusiasm, the tension, the fun, the thirst for knowing new things, coming up with new things, making a mark, growing, developing, a little bit each day. I love the echo of voices in corridors and the shuffling of pages in a study room, quiet whispers in libraries and the din and buzz of canteens and lawns.

I used to think I would never have the confidence or the patience to teach but now, I think I could when it comes to teaching the language I love (English) or anything related to it. And it would be most heartening, even fascinating, to have the power to influence young people, to contribute to their growth as human beings, to leave a footprint in their lives as a teacher who made a change, or at least helped make a change in some small way.

Oh yes, teaching would be great and challenging too. Even better if it's in a small university town, tucked away somewhere. Somewhere peaceful, old-world, bubbling with culture and boasting ancient architecture and fun things to do like going to the theater and park and what not. I would fit right in at a place like that. I feel like I was born to be in academia; it would give me plenty of time to write too, and get published. Ah, the ideal life, if ever it existed.

A lot of people think I lack focus in life, have no idea where I'm headed, just because I didn't take a conventional career path; they think that I am just a wandering soul with no ambition, and in response all I have is this brilliant quote from the said movie:

"Not all who wander are aimless, especially those who seek truth beyond tradition, beyond definition, beyond the image."

Until next time, Adieu. :)

Pondering on Purpose - Part 2

As I mentioned in the first post of this series, I'm not against marriage. It would not be so bad. In fact it would be quite nice: to have someone all to yourself; your companion and confidant for life; your best friend, your shoulder to lean on, your strength, our support, your partner in everything. Someone to laugh with, cry with, hug, kiss, cuddle, come home to, sleep with, wake up to, have children with, share everything with. Someone to look out for you and take care of you; someone to dine with and watch movies with and discuss the world with. Someone to argue with, vent frustrations on, yet love boundlessly. Someone to call your very own who knows you in ways no one else ever could.

Looking at married friends' photos on Facebook, I imagine myself like that: decked in red and gold finery from head to toe, hands patterned with intricate mehendi, eyes and smile bright, face made-up for the first time, hair elegantly fastened, for once, - the most beautiful girl around.

I imagine photo frames on the mantelpiece of a future home, holding pictures of him and I, our arms around each other, our faces alight. Us, with our children, an adorable boy and girl. Us, on holiday together, at beaches and hill stations and popular cities. Us, growing old together, as one entity.

I imagine what his voice would sound like, and how the corners of his eyes would crinkle when he'd smile. I imagine his scent and the feel of his skin. He is not faceless, this guy I imagine; he is a picture perfect product of my mind, someone impossible to find in real life, but I do hope that whoever I get is at least a little similar.

Ah yes, marriage would not be bad at all. Even an arranged one, I suppose. I used to find that idea quite ridiculous until very recently but my mindset is changing nowadays. I mean, who knows, I could find my soul mate in the whole tiring process of dressing up and making tea for an n number of guys who come to check me out.

Or not.

It's all upon fate I guess. I don't know whether I will marry or not, because come what may, I will never marry as a compromise or for something other than love. I do know what I surely WILL do in life, though, which will come in the next post.

P.S. One thing I really wonder about is whether I'll wear my glasses on my wedding day. I am nearly blind without them and I CANNOT wear contacts, so whatever shall I do?

P.P.S. I cannot find a single picture on Google of a blonde in Indian bridal attire. Guess I'll be one in a million. ;)

P.P.P.S.Do you like my new template? Of course you do! But I think I may get bored of the stark white very soon. Anyways, an important announcement, my dear friend Jaspreet who blogs at Images has found that THIS GIRL is copying her poems and posting them as her own. Despite repeated attempts to get her to stop, this sorry soul continues to copy. Do let me know if you have suggestions what can be done to help stop this. Thanks!

Pondering on Purpose - Part 1

This is the first of a series of three posts I'll be writing, all inspired from the movie Mona Lisa Smile which I FINALLY got around to watching yesterday. In a nutshell, the story revolves around Katherine Ann Watson (Julia Roberts) who sets out to 'make a difference' through teaching Art History at the conservative Wellesley College for women in Massachusetts.The movie explores how this driven professor encourages her students to look beyond age old stereotypes and aim at doing more in life rather than just marrying a successful man and building a home and family.

That was the nineteen fifties. American society has come a long way since then and I suppose it's totally unimaginable for a young American woman today to be entirely marriage-oriented with not a care for financial independence, but a lot of the characters in the film and their ideas reminded me of what I witness everyday in Indian society till date: a man/marriage obsession in both young women and their mothers alike.

One of my favorite contemporary Indian writers once wrote how marriage is somewhat a 'national pastime' in the subcontinent, and I ask you, isn't it true? The moment you hit your twenties, whether you're male or female, doesn't it become everybody's biggest concern who on earth you will marry and 'settle down' with? (Jeez, I hate that term 'settle down'. Whatever the hell is it supposed to mean?)

Even in the world at large, isn't everyone just out to attract a mate and have sex and marry and have children? (Err, not necessarily in that order.) Is that our main purpose as human beings? To land a companion to (supposedly) love and cherish till our days on earth are over? And if things don't work out with them, move on and find someone else? For being alone is tragic and unbearable? Is that all that God intended us for, to mate and procreate? Are we any better than other animals then? Or is there no God at all, and the Darwinian theory of surivval of the fittest holds true? Which can explain why less convenitonally attractive people find it more fificult to get hooked up. Is that why we - consciously and unconsciously - are forever striving to look our best to attract the opposite sex? My questions are not new; I know, but they are mind-boggling and complex.

From the female point of view, why do most of us maniacally obsess about our weight? Because no man will desire you if you're fat? You can say you're working out to be fit but you can't deny that at the back of your mind, a sexier body is a definite motivating factor.

Why do we wear clothes that can flaunt our bodies, make us appear more attractive? Why do we apply make-up? Beautify our eyes with lashings of mascara and liner? Gloss up our mouths? Get implants? Buy designer perfumes? Yes, all of these do make us feel better about ourselves as individuals but the primary aim is to impress the opposite sex, isn't it? Whether it be a boyfriend or husband or crush or any random guy who will give us attention and make us feel wanted, hence boosting our self-esteem and confidence.

Why does my mother force me to learn how to cook? Why do I have to be soft-spoken and 'lady-like'? So that men can see me as good 'marriage material'. It's pathetic.

I can hear you thinking 'But that's just the way it is. Women must look good to attract men. It's been that way through the ages', and I agree - yes it is true but why does it have to be this way? Why does everything ultimately come down to sex? Everyone knows that men love sex, that they're biologically programmed to think about it umpteen times throughout the day. Why? Even we women do think about it, of course we do, but why? Is SEX all we are truly meant to indulge in on this earth? Is everything else - our work, our friendships, our recreational pursuits, just meaningless extras that can never serve as a purpose to live? I don't know whether what I'm saying is making any sense but I do know that I'm deeply disturbed by this idea, this idea of how my ultimate purpose as a woman is to find a man and build a family with him. Yes, marriage and family is good, I have nothing against that, but is it the end all and be all of human existence? You would answer, 'No, of course not. There are plenty of great people who never married and left their mark on this world' but I would counter that by saying still, even if they didn't marry, they MUST have tried to impress the opposite sex, get involved in some way. Why is that such a natural tendency of ours? Why does even a first grader want to look cute in front of boys in her class? Why is the opposite sex such an integral influence upon what we do and how we do it? I know I am questioning the very ways of this world, of nature, but I am upset by it all because I believe it's unfair, somewhat shallow too. I know life is bound to be unfair and we just have to deal with it but it sure does disturb me and so I vent it out through writing.

What's your take on it? What is the ULTIMATE purpose of human existence? And what do you feel about it? It's a philosophical question, yes, but an important one too, I think.

P.S. I know I think too much. :P

It's a side effect of being a writer.

I THINK.

"I'm leaving on a jet plane..."

I love that feeling of being in transit. Well, sort of. What I mean to say is that I actually love the run up to a trip and the actual travelling a leeeeetle more than the trip itself. I love making lists - both paper and mental - of things to pack, things to deal with before leaving, things to do at the destination, and of course, things to shop for! I love mentally ticking off the days till the much coveted date of departure arrives, and I love riding to the airport or train station with butterflies in my tummy out of the sheer excitement of going away.

I love sorting through piles of belongings and neatly packing up everything I need, I love the sight of half filled suitcases lying around, just waiting to be stuffed some more and zipped up and weighed. I love how any trip in some way means an ending. Ending of a routine for some time out and then a new beginning. That's the beauty of travelling, I think. It refreshes and recharges you like nothing else can, unless of course the trip is for some unfortunate purpose like attending a funeral.

Having moved country thrice in my life, I've kind of come to love the feeling of moving away for good. It's like a whole new life awaits you. Unknown people to befriend, unexplored places to discover for yourself, unfamiliar routines to settle into, new things to learn. If I could, I'd go and live in several different countries throughout my lifetime, learn all their languages and customs and norms. Somehow, even leaving behind the people I love now fails to strike an emotional chord in me. Not that I'm detached but I have learnt not to be overly attached either. I wouldn't mind traversing the streets of an unfamiliar city all by myself but it gets a tad bit scary because of my visual impairment so I'm more comfortable having some company to you know catch me if I fall or trip over something. :P

I've never been on a plane by myself but it's one of my - goals, you could say - to take a long haul flight all alone, perhaps befriend a stranger in the process, maybe even a nice, charming, single MALE stranger like it happens in the movies. :P

If I ever get a novel published and if it does well, I'll do a backpacking book tour across the countries of my choice and take lots of pictures and write another book based solely on the experience. :D And then do it all over again in different countries! And that way, I'll see the whole world!

Right, I shall come back down to earth now. I know I (day)dream too much but alas, what's a girl to do when she is very bored?

Gosh, I love travel and everything to do with it, never mind jet lag and delays at the airport and yucky airline food and slightly smelly clothes because of not being able to shower. :P I love having a handbag full of toiletries and a good book or two and settling in my seat to read and contemplate. And I love checking into hotels and using all the teeny bottles of shampoo and lotion and what not, and snuggling under the pristine white sheets with the air conditioner turned up and not a worry on my mind. I love waking up to an unfamiliar morning and smiling at strangers and feeling like you've just been born and can do anything you so desire.

Sigh. How I'd love a travel-packed life!

But now I realise this post is going nowhere so I'll leave you with this loveleeee (pardon my spellings for today, pleeeeeese!) song that I'm humming today:

One Word Tag (Pointlessness Alert!!)

Jaspreet has tagged me so here goes:

1. Where is your cell phone? Here

2. Your hair? Blond

3. Your mother? Home

4. Your father? Respect

5. Your favorite food? Desi

6. Your dream last night? Strange

7. Your favorite drink? Lemonade

8. Your dream/goal? Novel

9. Where are you? Work

10. Your hobby? Reading

11. Your fear? Rejection

12. Where do u want to be in 6 yrs? Famous

13. Where were you last night? Bed

14. Something that you aren't? Stupid

15. Muffins? Yum!

16. Wish list item? HIM!

17. Where did you grow up? Africa!

18. Last thing you did? Typed

19. What are you wearing? Kurta

20. Your TV? Time pass

21. Your pets? Died

22. Friends? Many

23. Your life? Good

24. Your mood? Bored

25. Missing someone? Perpetually

26. Car? Nah

27. Something you're not wearing? Ring

28. Your favorite store? None

29. Your favorite music? Hindi

30. The last time you laughed? Everyday

31. Last time you cried? Yesterday

32. You hate? Nags

33. One place that you go all the time? Bookstore

34. One person who emails you regularly? Ashish

35. My favorite place on earth? Beaches

I f you have absolutely nothing better to do, I tag you! :P

A Resolution

A very close friend of mine has a parent suffering from cancer. I lost my favorite aunt (my mother's best friend) to cancer. And I know or have known several other people affected by this dreadful disease. And it breaks my heart. If God made this world, why did he also make such terrible ailments and suffering and pain? Or was all this not part of His plan? Is it us people who screwed up everything with our obsession for science and technology and advancement? Are all these monsters like cancer and AIDS and heart disease that threaten our existence today, mere byproducts of our own inventions and backfiring experiments with nature?

Whatever it is, it's depressing. Nevertheless, it's made me realize something: that I am a very ungrateful person at times. I cry and crib and complain about everything, things that perhaps matter but not so much, things that are not worth making a big deal of. My equation with God keeps fluctuating depending on what I gain and what I lose, what good comes my way and what apparent 'bad' thing happens to me. As if life is one long profit and loss account.

A fellow blogger friend (Vaudeville of Exhilaration) recently wrote a post apologizing to God for being somewhat ungrateful and ignorant of the blessings He bestows. I feel I need to do the same. I am not religious at all but I do believe in God and so I'd like to say that I'm sorry for being such a whining sob all the time. I often think my mother is negative about things but I have to admit that so am I. I keep complaining and that has to STOP for once and for all.

From now on, instead of feeling frustrated that I still live with my parents and have to comply with their rules all the time, I will be happy that at least they are there to support me if anything goes wrong. At least they are always there to care and ask how my day was and to look out for me no matter what. From now on, instead of complaining that I can't go out at night or can't do what I want when I want, I will be grateful for the luxuries that come with living at home: good food and chores like laundry taken care of, and unlimited hours of television and not having to go to the bank or post office or grocery store or any other such place by myself.

I will be grateful to have my parents around and in general good health, free of any major life-threatening illnesses. We often only realize what we have after it is gone. I don't want that to be the case with me. I don't want to value my family only after I lose them, God forbid.

So no more cribbing and complaining. Goodbye to the Eternal Moping Queen that I have been for so long.

And please pray for my friend and her family and every other person out there battling any kind of disease or adversity. Remember that "if we are all alone, then we're all together in that too."

(From P.S. I Love You.) Not sure if it fits in here but still....

Together Forever?

Together forever, they were meant to be.

She the pretty angel, he the prince.

'Twas not love at first sight

as such but something close.

In the garden of life, it bloomed,

-an exquisite rose.

They lay together, dreaming of a future;

The world to them: an insignificant blur.

He would kiss her hand, forehead and nose;

play with her fingers and tickle her toes

She would hold him near, promise to not let go.

There was laughter and joy, no trace of woe.

But one day something went terribly wrong

an abrupt interruption to their live love song.

She had to leave, no ifs or buts

no answers offered, no questions asked.

He waited and waited, thinking she'd return

but she was gone, and he would burn.

Till the fire within him died out at last

and he came to accept that what was his had passed.

Together forever, they were not meant to be, after all;

For life is uncertain and love can hit a wall.

Had he been at fault? Not one bit, never.

But alas, absolutely nothing, can last forever.

Yayyy!

And the award goes to. . . . .

ME!

Obviously.

And it's not just one award. It's three!

Thanks Jaspreet. And also, I would like to thank my parents, especially my dad who bought me my laptop, and my friends and my brother who always stood by me and my domestic help for always cleaning my room on time which helped make my work environment better and of course my teachers who inspired me and the watchman who kept my home safe and the internet for giving me this wonderful opportunity and of course all you followers and fans who are my biggest motivation. Thank you God! Thank you everyone! Above all, thank you Blogger!

*Flying Kisses*

LOL.

Really, thanks Jaspreet. :) (Hope you liked my Filmfare Awards-like speech)

=)

I woke up late today morning. Not surprising since it's pouring here in Ahmedabad. This is by far the longest monsoon I've witnessed since I came here in 2006. And even though it entails a lot of filth, muck and mess on the roads as well as delays and what not, I'm loving it.

The rain makes me think of old or not-so-old Hindi songs, like those from Dil to Pagal Hai. And it puts a smile on my face and I forget every worry and simply want to get drenched and sing at the top of voice, albeit out of tune. :P

It's magical, the rain in India. Perhaps because it's so sunny the rest of the year around. No wonder the moment the skies open up, everyone just seems so merry no matter what. Unless they're just grumpy or sad.

And it's Eid tomorrow. Most probably. Eid Mubarak and have a happy weekend! :)

Mixed Up

'But we ALWAYS lunch together, Rahul. That's what we do!' cried Anjali, irritated and annoyed at once.

'I know. But come on, I like Tina! I want to get to know her, yaar. I always eat with you. What difference will it make if I join her today?'

'It does make a difference! Lunch is OUR time! I hardly get to see you otherwise. You're in a different department, even if we work on the same campus the whole day. I can't talk on the phone from home because Mum is always around. You know how she is. When do I get to chat to you then?'

'Yaar, it's just a matter of a day...it's not like I'm going to lunch with her everyday from now on! Stop overreacting yaar Anji.'

'I know very well how just one day will soon change to everyday. You'll want to know her more and more na? Especially if she keeps turning up in those short skirts every day and smelling of French perfume!'

'Oh give me a break.' Rahul chuckled.

'Stop laughing!' Anjali said, losing her temper and getting to her feet. 'Stop laughing all right! You know it's true. All you guys are the same. A slim girl in a short skirt with a nice smile and pretty eyes and there, you slip like a blind man on banana peel. It's disgusting.'

'What the hell!' he cried. 'What's so disgusting? Tina's pretty. I like her. It's natural I would want to spend some time with her, especially since it's SHE who asked me to lunch, not the other way around. Why are you getting so worked up and making a big deal out of nothing?'

'Because you're MY best friend and we ALWAYS lunch together and now she'll steal you away from me. And soon she'll be your official girlfriend and then what, huh? Then you'll NEVER have time for me!'

'Anj, that's not true. I don't know about the girlfriend bit but even if I did have one, it's not like you'd be any less important.'

'Oh really? Bullshit.'

'Yes, really. You're important and always will be. But you've got to stop being so attached to me, don't you think? What will happen later? What will happen when you get married, when I get married, we won't be able to meet everyday then, then what will you do? Ever thought about that?'

'Oh so now it's just me who's attached to you, huh? You'll be all cool with it and not miss me, na? And I don't want to get married o.k.? You know that very well. Oh, but maybe you forgot since now all you'll remember is mini-skirted Tina! Fuck you!'

And with that, she stormed off, leaving him staring after her, dazed. And as she hurried away, a tear leaked out. Followed by another. And another. For she hated lying to him. Or keeping things from him. But how could she say it, how could she tell him that she did in fact want to get married and she thought of it so often, dreamed rather. But the only guy she saw herself with was him. He was the only one she could even consider committing herself to for life. He was her best friend, and so, so much more.

If only he knew.

*Character names inspired from Kuch Kuch Hota Hai. :P

The Three Things Tag

Jaspreet has tagged me so here goes randomness:

3 places I would pack my travel bag for:

-New York City, baby! After all those Karan Johar movies, I HAVE to see it for myself!

-Paris, the city of romance and culture and haute couture!

-Toronto, the city I'm in love with.

3 on-screen characters I love to watch:

-Joey in Friends

-Shahid Kapur in any movie! :P

-Ranbir in Wake Up Sid. He reminds me of someone I know. :)

3 words that describe me the best:

-writer. I am incomplete without my writing.

-secretive. I am just so private and secretive, it's impossible to know the real me most of the times.

-sensitive. I pay attention to your every word and every deed and if it doesn't seem right, I get upset even though I may not show it.

3 things I always think of doing on the weekend but never do:

-Work on my novel - I'm such a procrastinator, it's frustrating.

-Learning how to cook - I just can't bring myself to spend much time in the kitchen.

-Watching movies back to back - I spend too much time sleeping and dreaming away. :P

3 things from my childhood that I cannot forget:

-That I was a recluse who felt awkward in people's company and was badly bullied and ridiculed at school. All that stuff still affects me today so many years later.

-That I was a level or two ahead of my class in reading and loved to write since a young age. I used to think at that time that it would be nice to be a writer, and here I am, pursuing that very same dream.

- That I was very scared of water and of seaweed. I never learnt how to swim though thankfully outgrew the seaweed phobia!

3 things that I would never say no to:

-Sleeping

-Money!

-Presents!

3 things I cannot live without:

-My laptop

-Non-veg food!!

-Peace and quiet

As always, tag yourself if you wish to. :)

If only I could turn back time....and RETURN.

Five years. Five years is a long time. Five years ago on this day, I was happier than I have ever been in my life. Five years ago, September 5th was a Monday. I remember every detail clearly. I moved into Innis Residence at the University of Toronto, St. George Campus, bubbling with excitement and energy about the coming year, my first year at college, in the Honors Bachelor of Sciences Program. I was going to study Life Science at one of the top universities of the world and aimed to go on to medical school later. Had life stuck to the course I had so meticulously planned and hoped for, I would today be starting my second year in medical school in Toronto, my favorite city in the whole wide world. Instead, I am sitting in small, boring, suffocating Ahmedabad in Gujarat, India, with a Bachelor of Arts degree that I am anything but proud of, a degree that lies gathering dust somewhere in the cupboard where I threw it several months ago, after having a good laugh at the archaic English sentences printed on it that do not make any sense.

I had no convocation ceremony. No gown or cape or fancy photographs the way I had always longed. No great sense of joy and achievement and pride, the way I had always anticipated. Just an empty feeling in the pit of my stomach that this was it, my dreams gone down the drain. I had made it to much coveted U of T only to end up as yet another useless ARTS graduate of useless Gujarat University. No wonder they say life is a bitch.

The empty feeling continues to stay there, no matter how much I try to will it away, no matter how hard I pretend to be happy, content, all right.

Truth is that I miss Toronto. Terribly, unbearably, excruciatingly. I never knew it was possible to get so attached to a place, and that too, after just a short while of living there. I don't even miss the place I grew up in as much as I miss my beautiful, amazing Toronto.

I miss the clean, fresh air and the soothing serenity that greeted me every morning. I miss the perfect roads and perfect pavements, so ideal for long strolls to nowhere. I miss the lush green grass that shone under the summer sun and the thick piles of snow that made a mess in winter. I miss being just another student on the way to class and I miss all the time I had to do exactly just what I wanted. I miss finding my way around with a map and I miss travelling on the buses and the subway, all by myself.

I miss Tim Horton's and Harvey's and Starbucks and Manchu Wok. I miss free fortune cookies. I miss putting on layers and layers of clothes and still shivering in the bitter cold. I miss the snowflakes blowing into my face as I walked and I even miss the wind chill that everyone else hates. I miss Robart's Library which was just across the road from where I lived, and I miss the free public library on College Street where I spent many a morning delving into novels and magazines and at times, Chemistry textbooks. I miss sitting in silence amongst complete strangers yet feeling more at home than I ever have.

I miss the hot Hispanic guy who lived on my floor and I miss the friendly smiles and hellos everyone exchanged. I miss the multiculturalism and the mutual respect for one and all. I miss the way my name was perennially mispronounced. I miss the freedom to be whatever I wanted, to do whatever I wished, and I miss the independence of sleeping, eating, reading, writing, going out, etc. as and when I felt like it. I miss the me who was so comfortable with herself, at last, for she had found the one place where she truly belonged. I miss the spring that never left my step even as I stressed over midterm exams and piles of homework and lab assignments. I miss all the different people I got to meet, I miss the interesting, enriching conversations.

I miss living on breakfast cereals and chocolate milk. I miss stopping for ice-cream or cappuccino after class whenever I felt like. I miss shopping and exploring the city on my own every weekend. I miss every little thing and more. FIVE years ago, I had no clue I would be missing THAT life so much one day. I'm pretty sure that ever since I've come to India, not a day has passed without me thinking at least once of how very much I yearn to return. Return to Toronto, the city that stole my heart and holds it to date. I need to return, if only to get my heart back. But alas, when will I?

How I wish 2005 could just return. I would give anything for it. Yet of course, it can't. For time is memory. Once gone, it does NOT return.

Sigh.

You Men!

This post is inspired by something a fellow blogger wrote some time back about how we women can drive you crazy with our use of words like 'whatever', 'anything', 'anytime', etc. You can read his post here and then read mine which depicts how men too can drive US insane by their monosyllabic tendencies!

(1. the rigid, unthinking, unfeeling "NO")

Girl: It’s raining. Let’s go for a drive.

Guy: No.

Girl: Why not? You are so unromantic. Shall we go for the new Shahid Kapur flick this weekend?

Guy: No. It’s a dumb love story.

Girl: How do you know? It hasn’t even released yet. I love Shahid. Please? Accha, why don’t we go for dinner afterward?

Guy: No. I’m not in the mood.

Girl: Why? You are never in the mood for anything fun nowadays. Is something wrong?

Guy: No.

Girl: Tell me na.

Guy: No.

(2. the careless, meaningless "CHILL")

Girl: Where are you? I’ve been waiting for ten minutes.

Guy: Yeah yeah, I’m on the way. Chill.

Girl: How can I chill? What am I supposed to do here alone? Come fast.

Guy: I’m coming yaar. Chill.

Girl: I don’t hear traffic sounds. You are lying to me na?

Guy: No. I’m on a quiet stretch. Just chill.

Girl: I really hope you are being honest. I don’t know why you guys have to lie so much.

Guy: I’m not lying, baby. Chill.

Girl: The show will start in exactly five minutes.

Guy: I know, I know. I’m almost there. Just chill.

(3. the all-innocent/confused/disinterested"WHAT?")

Girl: Don’t you want to tell me something?

Guy: What?

Girl: Think about it… Something to say, something to even give me perhaps…?

Guy: What? No. I don’t know… no, wait… I mean…

Girl: I can’t believe you! You forgot AGAIN.

Guy: What? No. %^&$ Come on, of course I remember. Happy three month anniversary!

Girl: (looks away)

Guy: What?

Girl: Oh, at least you remember. I just wish I didn’t have to always remind you. (Sniffs as a tear rolls out)

Guy: What?

(4. the dismissive, hell-just-leave-me-alone, "OF COURSE")

Girl: Wow, such a pretty dress. Do you think it will look nice on me?

Guy: Of course. You’re hot, baby.

Girl: Really? You’re sure? I won’t look fat na?

Guy: Of course. -Not. You’re not fat.

Girl: Hmm… shall I try it on and see.

Guy: Of course.

Girl: Wow, it really looks good. What do you think?

Guy: Of course. It looks great.

Girl: Will you buy it for me?

Guy: Of course....Wait, WHAT? NO.

Girl: Hehe, I was just kidding baby. CHILL!

A song shared. . .

I am in a musical mood these days. Of course, I'm always in a musical mood but it's extra intense these days. I'm stuck to YouTube throughout the day and that's how I discovered this previously unheard of Atif Aslam song, Kinara.

Now, today I'm in more of a mood for ghazals and woke up with Hoshwalon Ko Khabar Kya stuck in my head, but when I found THIS song, I just HAD to share it. Because I love Atif Aslam and I love the way he seems to sing from the very depths of his soul. This particular version of the tune has a bit of a fusion touch to it which is awesome.

He just reinforces my belief that each of us is put on this earth to do something very specific; we just need to figure out what exactly. I mean, can you imagine Atif doing anything else but composing and singing? It just wouldn't be right if he did.

Just listen to the amazing lyrics of the song:

In raston pe ane wale

sab karte hai kyun kinara?

In aahaton pe basne waalon se

pooche kaun humara

Hum piye jaa rahe hain...

Gham piye jaa rahe hain...

Oh, and please listen right till the end because he sings one part in what I suspect is Punjabi and it is even better than the Urdu/Hindi parts. Ah, Atif, how your voice soothes my heart and makes my soul come alive and dance!

P.S. If you haven't listened to his Hum kis gali jaa rahe hain, you absolutely MUST hear that too!

Dream Song

I want to go to New Zealand. With a cute guy like Imran Khan. I want to wear pretty sarees that will billow in the cool breeze as I dance with my guy amid the snow-capped mountains and hills and turquoise seas and spotless white beaches. Unseen, undisturbed, far, far away from the rest of the ugly world.

I want to sing 'Sadka kiya, yun ishq ka...', drenched in romance and love and passion.

Alas, why are Bollywood flicks so goddamn dreamy?