The Bend in the Road

It can appear all of a sudden, catching you unaware and jolting you into a sense of frantic panic as you quickly figure out how to survive the unfamiliar path it veers you onto.

Or, it can approach gradually, giving you plenty of time to anticipate what it will bring and plan accordingly.

But whichever way it occurs, the bend in the road is always exciting and terrifying all at once. It adds that crucial element of adventure to life.

The most recent bend in the road for me has been the decision to study in another city, another state, and in a country that is my own yet intimidates me quite a lot. If anyone had told me five years back that I would one day live in a hostel in a Southern Indian city, I would have laughed out loud at the preposterous idea. It is just not something I ever imagined myself wanting or having to do. Yet here I am, quite enjoying the experience and learning new things everyday. Well, at least almost every day. (Does washing clothes count as learning something new? It's an art, really. Or a science. Or whatever. It sure takes some skill though, I can tell you. :P )

Last night, I experienced something weird. I couldn't sleep till 3.30 a.m. (that was the last time I remember seeing on my cell phone.) Although I have suffered a bit of insomnia for quite some time now, it has never been so severe before. I was tired, physically, mentally, and emotionally, and direly wanted to drop off to peaceful slumber but just could not. So I got out of bed and went on a bit of a night time stroll through the hostel. The halls were somewhat eerily silent, with all room doors closed, either from inside or outside, and I felt a bit like I was haunting the place or something. A cool breeze was blowing in from the open-air quadrangle the building is built around, so I perched onto the low boundary wall and thought of many things.

I thought of home, where my family members would be deep in slumber, after having had a delicious dinner and watching prime time television. My stomach grumbled as I remembered the awful rice I had had hours ago.

I thought of someone I love, or think I do, and wondered why he hadn't answered my phone call hours ago. I had really needed to speak to him; I wouldn't ring him otherwise, but he hadn't gotten back. He would be asleep too, right then, dreaming of pretty girls and hot dates perhaps, far away from the world in which thoughts of him keep me awake till ungodly hours.

I thought of relationships and how very complicated they are at times, and at other times, meaningless. I pondered over how so many people are casual about 'love' and don't find it difficult to move on from one person to another. It makes me uncomfortable, this transient nature of love in today's world. Call me old fashioned but somehow, I don't understand casual dating. Or flirting. It seems superficial to me. Superficiality is equal to lies in some ways, and there is nothing I hate as much as I hate lies.

I thought of the friend who had lied to me, albeit about a small thing, and whom I had confronted just before trying to fall asleep. We had fixed things so smoothly, with him explaining and me accepting the explanation without any bitterness. Why can't all friendships be that way? You have a problem, you say it out loud, and it gets solved almost right away because the other person cares to respect your point of view and your feelings. Why don't some friendships have the capacity to withstand problems? Why do they deteriorate and eventually snap?

What do we gain from falling out with people who initially mean so much to us?
Just experiences, I guess. And lessons. Lessons of what it takes to be a 'social' being, as we all are.
At a seminar I attended yesterday, a Ghanaian professor shared an interesting proverb:

"If you want to go fast, go alone. But if you want to go far, go with others."

And even though at times, the bend in the road is bound to separate you from them, I am sure it never really isolates you.

(Don't worry, even I don't know what this post is trying to say.)