The Girl who Ate Alone

*-Inspired a little bit from various sources.

She took the plate of noodles and settled at an empty seat on an almost full table. The din of conversation around her was both comforting and depressing. It alienated her, leaving her free to withdraw into her cocoon and not have to make useless small talk with anyone, and yet the thoughts she had within the cocoon were not exactly good for her spirits.

If life was a movie, this would be the ideal moment for The Hero to emerge. He would appear in all perfection, out of nowhere, swagger to her table and ask whether he could sit opposite her. She would oblige, uninterested, and focus on her food, while he would observe her and then start the mandatory 'introductions' conversation that often leads nowhere. Only that this time, magically, it would. One thing would lead to another and they would exchange numbers before parting. And the rest, of course, 'would be history'.

But she had been through this routine of eating alone enough times to know that no hero was about to swoop into HER life and play the knight in shining armor to the damsel in eternal distress. No, all she had was her less-than-protective cocoon of thoughts and memories and feelings and ideas.

She thought of HIM again, and found herself once more longing for his company. He, the one whom she had moved mountains to be with, or at least, moved country. Only to realize he was least interested in being with her. He hadn't met her even once in the month since she had arrived in this unfamiliar land, and she had grown tired of calling him and hearing the never-ending stream of useless excuses he put forth.

How could she have been so stupid to up and leave everything that was familiar to her - to ditch her very life - for the sake of a lingering hope of finding love at last. She had been so sure that he was the one for her - that if only she was close to him, things would magically fall in place - that she had completely overlooked the other possibility - the more real possibility of him breaking her heart.

She mouthed the food, not tasting anything, just chewing and swallowing for necessity's sake. It amazed her how, no matter what happened, there were always day-to-day things one just had to keep doing: eat and sleep and wake up and brush teeth and hair and use the bathroom and bathe and clothe and go to work.

And as long as one could do all these, they could automatically say 'fine' when someone asked the simple yet complex question: 'How are you?'.

Because as long as one is going about life, it doesn't matter how dead they feel inside. Or how alone or cold or sad. The girl who ate alone had realized this a long time ago. Which is how she convinced herself that no matter how much she hated the new country that had beckoned her with love, she was still 'fine'. And always would be.

Kaanch pe chalna aanch mein jalna

Jitne bhi dard hai maaye seh na sake yeh jindari

Teriyan judaaiyan aggey dukh saare chhote

Teriyan judaaiyan aggey gham saare khote

Pal pal hote mere dil de hai totey

Mainda toh hai, rab kho gaya