When I was in sixth grade, I had a best friend who suddenly decided one day that she didn't want to talk with me anymore. She apparently had a problem with the fact that I shared everything about our friendship with my mom. Like for example, if we had a fight, I would talk to my mom about it. Before you judge that, let me remind you that I was just eleven years old. It's normal for eleven-year-olds to confide everything in their parents, right? At least it was at that time.
Recently, another friend decided that he doesn't want to talk with me anymore because - well, probably because we are too different and don't understand each other at all.
In both cases, that is, right now and all those years ago, I felt hurt in quite the same way. I don't think it is right for friendships to end arbitrarily, even if they are formed arbitrarily in the first place. Yet so many times, they do. Because people change.
Most of my school friends today live in a completely different world from mine; they are into partying and drinking and casual relationships, all the things that scare me and I have vowed to stay away from. Plus, we are on separate continents so have no common frame of reference I guess.
Yet I still miss them so many times. Random events remind me of different people I have known and sometimes, it is just out of the blue that I think of them.
Because even though they have changed and time has changed and life has changed, what we shared once upon a time can never change. It is all fixed in frozen snatches of memory that come back to make me smile ever so often.
Having arrived in a new city just over a month ago, I am still in the process of making new friends. And every time that my new friends and I share fun/interesting moments together, I remind myself to enjoy the experience as much as I can for there's surely going to come a day when I will look back and miss it all.
Recognizing the fact that people change has sensitized me to the importance of cherishing every moment you spend with them.
Before I came to Hyderabad, I was really looking forward to it because I have a friend here whom I wanted to spend more time with. Six weeks since arriving, I have only met the friend twice so far. This would ordinarily have upset me but I have learned not to mind too much. Perhaps they are busy, or perhaps they are too much in love with their significant other to make time for me. Of all the reasons why people change, the worst is when it happens because of love. When someone gets a boyfriend/girlfriend, why do they tend to neglect their friends? It is something I will never understand, and something I will never personally do if I ever get into a relationship.
Love and friendship are two separate things, but sometimes they overlap so much that it becomes difficult to decipher which to give more importance to. In the quest of making romantic love blossom, it is perhaps normal to somewhat forget the people you share another kind of bond with - your friends. I don't think love should change anyone to such an extent but have seen it happen innumerable times. Suddenly, all the talks of always being there for each other are forgotten because you are only there for the person you love.
And then a day comes when the boyfriend/girlfriend leaves you and you suddenly notice your friends again. And the beautiful part is that they are still there, to lend a shoulder or an ear.
Because friendship is not fragile like love.
At least, it's not supposed to be, in my opinion.
Yet often it is. Again, because people change.
Recently, another friend decided that he doesn't want to talk with me anymore because - well, probably because we are too different and don't understand each other at all.
In both cases, that is, right now and all those years ago, I felt hurt in quite the same way. I don't think it is right for friendships to end arbitrarily, even if they are formed arbitrarily in the first place. Yet so many times, they do. Because people change.
Most of my school friends today live in a completely different world from mine; they are into partying and drinking and casual relationships, all the things that scare me and I have vowed to stay away from. Plus, we are on separate continents so have no common frame of reference I guess.
Yet I still miss them so many times. Random events remind me of different people I have known and sometimes, it is just out of the blue that I think of them.
Because even though they have changed and time has changed and life has changed, what we shared once upon a time can never change. It is all fixed in frozen snatches of memory that come back to make me smile ever so often.
Having arrived in a new city just over a month ago, I am still in the process of making new friends. And every time that my new friends and I share fun/interesting moments together, I remind myself to enjoy the experience as much as I can for there's surely going to come a day when I will look back and miss it all.
Recognizing the fact that people change has sensitized me to the importance of cherishing every moment you spend with them.
Before I came to Hyderabad, I was really looking forward to it because I have a friend here whom I wanted to spend more time with. Six weeks since arriving, I have only met the friend twice so far. This would ordinarily have upset me but I have learned not to mind too much. Perhaps they are busy, or perhaps they are too much in love with their significant other to make time for me. Of all the reasons why people change, the worst is when it happens because of love. When someone gets a boyfriend/girlfriend, why do they tend to neglect their friends? It is something I will never understand, and something I will never personally do if I ever get into a relationship.
Love and friendship are two separate things, but sometimes they overlap so much that it becomes difficult to decipher which to give more importance to. In the quest of making romantic love blossom, it is perhaps normal to somewhat forget the people you share another kind of bond with - your friends. I don't think love should change anyone to such an extent but have seen it happen innumerable times. Suddenly, all the talks of always being there for each other are forgotten because you are only there for the person you love.
And then a day comes when the boyfriend/girlfriend leaves you and you suddenly notice your friends again. And the beautiful part is that they are still there, to lend a shoulder or an ear.
Because friendship is not fragile like love.
At least, it's not supposed to be, in my opinion.
Yet often it is. Again, because people change.
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7 scribbles scribbled back to me:
Even I cannot fathom the IMMENSE change that comes over people when they find themselves in a relationship. You're lucky that you've come to accept people as they are. I'm still best friends with my school friends... and because of their "relationships" and so many other complicated factors, scratch that, ONLY b/c of their relationships, I'm in a hate phase right now. Please write a post on how you came to accept people?! :P :D
Hope Hyderabad's been treating you well!
: )
it struck me as I read your words, being there, felt that--
Then came the tough times of our friendship, when the trust seemed to be broken. The failures and imperfections seemed to have taken a longer stride, it was me who got entangled and had to find a way out. I had to learn to set the limits which was extremely painful and gave me an intimidating sense of loneliness but then it turned out to be expressing the same love in a different manner. It is the friendship that I valued most and I just could not let it go by. The good days were back again and we were again on a joyous ride.
http://thewishandthebattleinside.blogspot.com/2009/09/friends-are-friends.html
I hate when people neglect their friends for their 'love'.
It happened with me as well. They came back to me after six months or a year with broken hearts.
Love is not stable as much as friendship is, as you said so candidly yourself.
Great and quite relatable post.
Take care,
And have a great Sunday!
I know what you mean.. I sometimes feel the change in myself when i'm with friends.. N even though i try to bring 'me' back, m just not able to do it! It's a wierd feeling..
thats honestly beautiful babe...
Well, we shouldn't have our hopes high. Friends become strangers,lovers become friends,people leave,people change...just like that. Even I have had so many 2-3 friends like that who have stopped talking to me. But those were in college. My school friends are like friends forever..touchwood
Once upon a time there were two guy friends, J n K, who used to always hang out with each other, talk on d phone for hours n share almost everything with each other. Tehn 1 day J got a gf and he changed. He started devoting all his time to her, ignoring K like he was a kebab me huddi, and eventually their relationship turned sour. Now they don't talk to each other anymore even though the rest of us hve tried their utmost to make them get together.
J's case is a classic e.g of a guy who flips out when he gets a gal. Call it love, lust ot whatever u want, but sone guys just start thinking with their balls instead of their brains when they get a gf. A friendship can end for any no. of reasons but to end a friendship coz u wanna spend all ur free time with ur gal is just lame, IMO.
I wish that in such matters the gal should try to put some sense in their bf's (or bfs') head and be a little bit unselfish. Im probably sounding like a fool right now (will a gal ever do tht?) but Ive not lost hope tht there could be a gal like tht in this world.
I hope tht sumday Im proven correct.
Zero marks to both J n his gal. Fuck'em n their fucking love. And no kudos to people who lend their shoulders to people who've betrayed them in d past. Naive fools.
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