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Saturday, September 1, 2012

Thoughtful on a Saturday evening

Sitting by the window of the small hostel room meant for one person but shared by two, I enjoyed the cool evening breeze that wafted onto my face, bringing with it the smell of the trees and dust. Birds cooed and a long-tailed peacock intermittently let out a high-pitched call as it strut about on the ground below. I watched it and felt a rare sense of peace that I only ever feel on this university campus that I love.
My friend was fast asleep on a mattress on the floor and I was waiting for her to wake up so I could convince her to come out to eat with me. As much as I love the campus, I am incredibly bored of the food it has on offer. My friend stirred in her sleep, unperturbed by the fact that there was a power cut and the room was quite stuffy despite the open window. I looked at her curled up with the blanket and my thoughts turned to where they so often do these days: what will happen once my course of study here is over? What will become of the friendships I have acquired which mean so much? What will the future hold? Hyderabad and this university have captured my heart; no matter where I go, a part of me will always reside here in the place that has given me so much, shaped me so strongly in such a short time. But go I will have to, because life is a river and you have to constantly flow forwards towards new pursuits. I wonder what I will feel like on the train journey back home when it finally comes around, when I won't have the comfort of knowing that I'll soon be returning (the way I do when I go for semester breaks). I can predict that feeling all too well, having felt it all too often: the desperate overwhelming longing to cling onto a time that is clearly and irrefutably over.
Not everything I experience here is positive or enjoyable - there are often long, difficult hours of alone-ness, particularly on the weekends, when I feel trapped or confined within the very campus that I love, but I feel that these periods are helping me value myself more. They make me accept the basic fact that we are all essentially alone in this world and cannot - should not - depend on anyone to bring us happiness.
Sometimes, the dynamics of friendships change. Actually, cross that, not sometimes, all the time and always. People and priorities and circumstances change and all of that is bound to affect relationships. But it need not necessarily be negative. I suppose life is all about adjusting to changing equations, finding comfortable footholds in transforming terrains. I looked at my friend and it struck me that things will change when this university sojourn of ours ends, but that doesn't need to be as bad as it sounds. For all you (and I) know, things could change for the better. We may become closer when we are apart. It may seem an overly optimistic wish, but pessimism never got anyone anywhere.
And as if on cue, my friend's mobile rang a message and she woke with a start. The spell was broken. I snapped out of my reverie with my favorite old consolation: whatever's meant to happen, will happen. And I trust that it will be for the best.

My beautiful campus 

P.S. If at all you are interested in knowing, I didn't have to convince her to eat out; she promptly suggested we order in, and we had a delicious meal of fried chicken wings.  

2 scribbles scribbled back to me:

notesbymohit said...

nice post :)
reminded me of the similar feelings i sometimes have in a quiet moment regarding my own soon-to-end college life and all that it means to me.
life is such an unpredictable bitch that there's no use trying to decode all its mysteries unless you wanna go mad. better to stay optimistic and take everything that comes in a good stride, for come it surely will.

Mehak said...

you're right Mohit. Life is indeed very unpredictable and all we can do is go with the flow..