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Thursday, October 25, 2012

Friendship and I

Sometimes, we hold onto certain friendships simply because of a misplaced sense of nostalgia. But the bond can't last beyond a certain point because honestly, we have nothing left to say to the person. Perhaps we have both moved on in life and occupy different physical/psychological/emotional spaces; perhaps we have both changed, or our circumstances have changed. Whatever be the case, when a friendship no longer gives you the happiness and fulfillment it once did, its best to just leave it be. Don't try to officially 'break' it and certainly don't try to mend it - that will only result in complications and uncomfortable feelings.
I strongly believe that old things only end to give way to the new. So the people that we lose to life and change should not be missed because we gain others instead of them.
Of course, one should always try preserve a good friendship, but the problem starts when you begin valuing someone more than they value you. It distorts the delicate balance of friendship, giving rise to inequalities that distort the bond you once shared. If you care more, you are easily hurt, let down, and may even feel betrayed - not very nice things to experience.
That is why I am sort of reserved - I take a long time to establish friendships because never for a moment, do I want to end up as the person who cares too much. I have been there before and it took a long time to get over it, so now I am more cautious about striking new friendships. I tread carefully, I wait for the other person to take initiative. Granted that this is not a very "positive" approach to friendship but it does provide protection from getting hurt later. Or so I like to believe.
This is also the reason why I am not as expressive as I would like to be at times. I keep my feelings of affection towards friends to myself so that I don't appear to care too much and don't end up being disappointed if I don't get an equally enthusiastic response.
However, in the recent company of the very expressive and outgoing S, I am beginning to change, to express more, to take initiative, to do/say whatever I feel like and not worry about the response so much. I suppose I am beginning to let go of my ego issues a little. :P
With this new frame of mind, I gave a birthday surprise to a friend for the very first time. Nothing has ever made me as happy as successfully pulling that off.
Secondly, I started actually sharing the emotionally-loaded poems on friendship that I occasionally write but keep private. I also started calling people whenever I feel like rather than first pondering over why they don't call me as often. :P
I guess we shouldn't think too much when it comes to friendships. Especially because things are ephemeral and there is no telling when you will shift into a different space and things will no longer be the same. While a friendship is alive, you should keep it alive. When it begins to die, you should try everything you can to save it, but if nothing works, you should let it rest in peace. And cherish it as a beautiful memory and nothing more. :)  

1 scribbles scribbled back to me:

Ninad said...

Mehak, Your post comes at a write time...recently I talked to my best friend who is also in same crisis of holding on or leaving out with some of his old friends.

//I guess we shouldn't think too much when it comes to friendships.
This, I explained it to him :P

//While a friendship is alive, you should keep it alive. When it begins to die, you should try everything you can to save it, but if nothing works, you should let it rest in peace. And cherish it as a beautiful memory and nothing more. :)
Will convey this to him if he comes back with same problem...

Need to say...cleanly expressed...about the bday surprise! yay!! Happy writing! keep us updated :)